In 40 days of a cold winter in Ohio, not much had been done or accomplished by Chris Hodges, a recent graduate of The Ohio State University. His days were tied to useless, random Internet searches for the proverbial "One," whom always seemed only another click away, yet always eluded him. When he wasn't looking for that special lady, he intermittently made unsuccessful job searches and went for long introspective bike rides.
Chris bought a nice Schwinn bicycle in college to get from class to class and place to place. He often rode to an off-campus theatre that played independent films and movies that were already available on DVD. The theater was his viewing preference because it got him out of his dorm room and away from his vile computer; not to mention, it was inexpensive. He enjoyed romantic comedies the most and wished he'd one day find someone he could laugh and share his adventures with.
Chris wasn't necessarily an unattractive guy, but his weak, narrow nose was a misfortune of having a diversified ancestry full of attractive mothers, grandmothers, etc. It wasn't until he reached his Sophomore year at OSU that his innocence was taken while in a less than sober state. The girl was a 21-year-old English major whom bought the alcohol that put him in the awkward situation in the first place. She had no right to take him at all. Not like that.
Chris's attraction to the older, more experienced girl increased just as her interest began to fade out with the good weather of the fall months of his third semester.
He had a favorite number. 75 was an odd lucky number. It was never a jersey number or anything like that, but there was something to be said about it being more than half of 100 and half way between 50 and 100: it just broke down nicely in Chris's opinion.
His musical preference varied from soothing classics, such as Brahms and Mozart, to the more modern classics, like Def Leopard jams. He couldn't get over the fact that the drummer only had one arm and had nothing but appreciation for the ripping, intricate guitar solos.
** On September 3rd, 2006, Chris met Josi in a college bar on Prospect St. **
Josi usually wore muumuus because of her naturally robust upper torso, which made her a bit top-heavy. She avoided all Greek social interactions, trying to keep on the straight and narrow of scholastics and non-party extra curricular activities. While Josi was only 19, her boyfriend Craig was 24 and already held a big-boy job at an established corporation in downtown Cleveland.
Josis drink of choice on this particular evening was Yukon Jack, lime juice and soda. She was generally a rum and coke girl, but she was feeling a little extra frisky after meeting young Chris Hodges on this cool September evening. Chris got word that Josi was taking Yukon to the face so he thought to himself his best gesture would be a round of snakebites. After shooting the bitter mixture of booze, Josi's face twisted up like she had just sucked the seeds out of a lemon, and the intoxication sent Craig outdoors for a game of cornhole.
Chris saw this as the perfect opportunity to make good with Josi by complimenting her on her colorful muumuu and how it gently held to her satin curves. After some small talk, Josi began explaining the phonetics of her name and why it was spelled the way it was. Finding this rather boring, Chris quickly changed the subject back to her features, making her heat up a little beyond her Yukon buzz.
Chris decided to make a move for her hand and Josi bitch-slapped him.
The End
Curtis von Tacky
I'd arrest you if I had handcuffs.
